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I tried some Kale "chips" today at Longos.  They were awful, as though somebody had cut up a black garbage bag, battered and then deep-fried it.  Like spinach, in other words, but with spinach's one or two nice flavor notes removed and drops of "this-taste-like-such-shit-the-hippies-will-think-its-good-for- them" juice slathered over.  And it made me wonder: is this some kind of conspiracy to fool health conscious progressives into eating garbage, or has years of talking on cell-phones caused people's tongues to mutate until they're actually able to consume and enjoy industrial waste?  I mean this crap can't really be healthy, can it? PS.  Longos also had free pizza today, which was quite good.

This morning their store on 7 near Woodbine had a wonderful sample spread.  The highlight was surely their pulled pork floating on delicious smoked Oka cheese set atop Nachos.  Runner up was a yummy smooth avocado spread, also on Nachos.  And they were serving "popcorn chips", which I shied away from, having already given myself salt poisoning once this week.  (It's a long story, but you really can eat too much Italian sausage).  And for dessert they had Jelly donuts.  My only complaints are that their awesome prosciutto pizza had been pulled from the menu, they weren't giving out chunks of artisanal bread, and the cake was a little dry. So a very solid 7 of 10.

I have written about Longos most permissive and excellent samples policy here . The problem is they stop giving out samples sometime after 4 PM.  Yet people come in after 4 and there are NO SAMPLES and they are HUNGRY !!!  They might be walking around thinking HEY THAT LOOKS GOOD IF I JUST HAD A SAMPLE FOR VERIFICATION PURPOSES I JUST MIGHT buy IT!!!   Or they might be looking to stuff their faces.  But whatever.  THESE PEoPlle Are Hungary !!!!   So I think I've spotted a gap in Longo's business model.  So I'm going to tell them about it.  And in doing so I am NOT JUST MOOCHING!!  I am helping to perfect GLOBAL MOTHERFUCKING CAPITALISM! Of which whom among us does not love?

Or as I call it, Samples . Today, for example, they were giving out Fuya Fruit*, Turkey Sausage, Kobasa, Blue Cheese, Prosciutto Pizza, and Gouda Cheese on a cracker.  Something from every food group!  I figure I sucked back about 2,400 absolutely free calories. I do this trick where I walk in wearing my glasses and hit all the sample booths two or three times in the first ten minutes. Then when they start wondering what's with the guy with the glasses? I take them off and carry my coat over my arm.  The staff don't recognize me right away, and I can get in another circuit or two! Because when you have a mortgage to pay every free cracker counts. * Looks kind of like a small tomato but is a sugary delight.